Pokefan's RP tutoring - Pokefan only

[Sasha]

Touketsu stood at the edge of the forest, her blue fur stood out like a sore thumb against the sea of green. She stepped into the shaggy darkness, and noted the humidity change. She sighed, wishing her fur was shorter, she searched for a place to get a drink, her tongue felt rough against her dry mouth. Finally finding a iver to drink from she lapped up the water, her lapping was calming to her, and so she became unaware of another's presence.


(This is the color i will tell you side comments in. Also i would like you to play a White wolf. I willl give you a number on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest,1 the lowest of how you did. If you get a five or less you need another session, if you get a 6 or higher you are good enough to RP properly. Also this may include a fight scene, so be warned. )

[pokefan]

The white wolf walked up to the river,and decided to take a drink.He then sensed another,a quarter mile away at tops.He ran over to see what was going on,and he found a wolfdog.He ran over to see what was going on."Hi!"the white wolf said.

[Sasha]

Touketsu looked at the white wolf. "Hello" Her icy blue eyes peirced into his eyes, keeping them in eye contact. "Who might you be?" Her voice was icy, yet warm like a spring breeze. She turned to have a drink, dipping her head low to the river, but keeping a watchful eye on the wolf.

(Don't repeat yourself)

[pokefan]

"I'm,uh,Dart."The white wolf said.He stared at Toukets and said,"Who are you?I live about a quarter mile away."Dart jumped into the water looking for fish.He looked around until he saw a nice sized bass.He dipped his muzzle into the water and snapped.He got it!"Want some?"He asked.

[Sasha]

Touketsu smiled warmly at him, but still kept her distance. "I'm Touketsu. Its nice to meet you Dart." She watched him catch the fish and laughed inside, he seemed slightly clumsy, after all one should not jump in the water to catch a fish, he managed but it would have been much easier to do it the way she had been thinking of. "No.. its ok iwas about to catch my own anyway." She leapt upon a rock protruding from the stream, not at all missing her mark. She stood silently, eyes staring at one spot in the river, waiting patiently for her prey. A single fish swam into the line of vision she had created, and she dove her muzzle into the water and pulled up two seconds later holding the fish in her maw. She wagged her tail gently and smiled at Dart before returning to solid land.

(Not bad...your grammatical skills could improve.. along with adding more detail. Try reading my post carefully, i didn't just say what she did generally, no... i put in that she watched him, and thought while doing so, then i put that she caught one herself in as much detail as possible, you try doing it... even if it is a simple jump. Also if you don't add much detail it makes it harder for the person replying to pos with detail.. thus creating a chain reaction.)